EQ thought-leader Daniel Goleman, PhD., initially identified five critical skills that make up emotional intelligence. They are:
- Self-awareness — knowing your emotions, recognizing feelings as they occur and discriminating between them. In other words, being able to predict your emotional reaction to specific situations and displaying confidence in the face of challenges.
- Mood Management — handling feelings so they're relevant to the current situation and you react appropriately
- Self-motivation — "gathering up" your feelings and directing yourself toward a goal, despite self-doubt, inertia and impulsiveness.
- Empathy — recognizing feelings in others and tuning into their verbal and nonverbal cues
- Managing Relationships — handling interpersonal interaction, conflict resolution and negotiations build bonds around human equality. Ability to express genuine feelings, even conflict, in a way that builds trust and support without compromising your beliefs.
He later revised his model into a four quadrants of EI Competencies. Self-awareness and Relationship Management remained the same, and Goleman created the Self-management and Social Awareness quadrants to incorporate the other three critical EI components. With Self-management, having a strong EQ means maintaining a strong personal philosophy articulated with passion. You choose to be optimistic and demonstrate an achievement orientation. In demonstrating Social Awareness, you respond to others in ways that indicate an accurate knowledge of how they perceive situations. When immersing yourself in their situation you still remain wholly apart. High EQ people establish a strong network for assistance when needed, both personally or professionally. They inspire others through both words and deeds and can determine when to trust and how to build on that trust.
Let's explore these some of the four EQ Competencies in more detail.
Q1 — Self-Awareness
We all feel a complex range of emotions. Sometimes we may experience multiple emotional responses simultaneously. With EQ, we learn to sort out our feelings, name them and begin to understand their cause and effects. EQ also helps us understand how emotions function and impact us physically. Research has identified eight "core" feelings: anticipation, fear, surprise, anger, disgust, sorrow, acceptance and joy. For example, if you identify a situation in which you are feeling surprised, upon further review you may more accurately describe yourself as distracted, embarrassed, hesitant or indecisive.
Misinterpretation, doubt and dissatisfaction account for the reasons why conflict occurs in relationships. If we are in possession of incomplete or inaccurate information about an event, person, product, data or circumstance we may give an incorrect emotional response. These facts, when combined with previous experiences, lead to prejudgments that make it a challenge to resolve differences. A strategy for responding to these misinterpretations, doubts and dissatisfactions will come in handy and reflect strong EQ.
You should initially gather your thoughts and then formulate a reply that includes an acknowledgement of the concern. Then you should ask a few simple questions to gain clarification: "Please tell me more about your concern," or "Let's review our facts." Emotionally intelligent professionals attempt to build a complete, unambiguous and mutual understanding of the facts and/or circumstances before responding.
If you have identified a disconnect that is your error (as in Pat's Forecast data) you should acknowledge the mistake and move on. If you identify a misinterpretation by the other party, you should acknowledge how that could have occurred (perhaps it was a result of rumor, poor research, old habits, etc.). Next, supply them with the relevant facts. Remember, it can be very disappointing to discover you were incorrect, so be sensitive to this fact. Also, some may still be skeptical and then move to dissatisfaction with other factors. You must remain calm and do your best to support your view of reality.